Affirmation- I am a celebration

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Affirmation- Celebrate

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Dark & Light- Self Acceptance

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Dark & Light- Self Acceptance

The Meaning of Anxiety

All of us have felt ‘anxious’ at different points of time in our lives. We feel it as

  • restlessness: in the mind (too many thoughts), body (inability to sleep, muscle tension)
  • in the doing mode
  • feeling of being overwhelmed
  • feeling like ‘there is something still to be completed’

This is a state of dissatisfaction, unrest. One is constantly waiting to arrive and never does. Our focus is on the future and our inner peace is dependent on some future event which is yet to happen. When at its worst, you do not feel safe in your own body and have a sense of being flighty.

Santa Cruz - relaxing

Santa Cruz

 

From a psycho-spiritual perspective, anxiety arises in the consciousness when one is not true to one self. You are not all that you can be. You are compromising your needs, desires, dreams etc hoping to please everyone else and thereby find your own happiness. You are leading a life based on how someone else (person, society, religion, media) expects you to live.

At the very center of your being, this knowledge exists and surfaces in the form of anxiety. There are several ways to subside the symptoms but healing does not occur unless you work on the sources of the anxiety.

Bringing your awareness into the present moment using various relaxation/visualization techniques and mindfulness can be a good start. The feeling of ungroundedness can also be abated by connecting to earth in some way i.e. gardening, walking barefoot on earth, hugging a tree etc.  Finding the courage in accepting that you are not living your full meaningful life will need some therapeutic work.

Meet your biggest Critic..YOU!

It saddens me to witness so many of my friends and clients become victim to their own inner criticisms. The negative self talk as we know it. Some of us are aware of this constant badgering we put ourselves through and some of us oblivious to it. When we find someone talking out loud to themselves we think they are going crazy but what about this constant unforgiving chatter in our minds?

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Be kind to yourself

One of the earliest issues a child develops while growing up is that of low self esteem. We often try to find external causes for the occurrence (that’s if someone identifies the issue) or assume that the child just needs to try harder in a particular area. As I write this, I am reminded of a friend’s facebook status after she delivered a baby which was “ the way we talk to our children, becomes their inner voice.” If it’s not parents, it is some other family member/friend/teacher/boss etc whose voice gets installed into the software of our brain. Sadly enough we keep running these tapes in our head without ever questioning them.

Messages like: 1) “You cannot even draw a straight line.”

2)  “You should always get an A or else you are a failure.”

3)  “You cannot afford to relax if you want to be successful.”

4)  “Boys are not attracted to you because you are dark skinned.”

5)  “You are not aggressive enough for this job.”

I am sure that each one of us has our own versions of messages like these that always keep running at the back of our mind. Somehow we believe these to be true and keep working as per the ‘shoulds’ and the ‘musts’ other people have imposed on us. We internalize these as our own values and continue inflicting pain on ourselves. All these messages tell you somewhere that “I am not good enough”, “I am not valuable/loved the way I am.” We also begin to play the “ I am good if I do..” game and feel puzzled when we are not accepted anyway.

It is also important to differentiate between this unhealthy self talk and constructive criticism/ feedback. When you receive constructive criticism or feedback for improvement, it is specific to the situation/ behavior and you leave from the situation understanding that you are valued for who you are and are being given suggestions to grow further. For example: A parent could tell a child that “ I was looking at your progress card and congratulate you for your improvement from last semester in Mathematics. Continue to do your best.” The child here is not being judged at a global level that he is a bad child for not receiving the highest grade. It is here that we learn to give ourselves some room for mistakes and ease out the need to be perfect all the time.

Low self esteem shows up in our work as settling for a lesser salary, our belief about what kind of life partner we deserve and what limitations we set on our abilities. A great amount of depression and anxiety stems from this unhealthy inner self talk.

At a much larger level, one cannot accept another person if one does not accept one’s own self. The answer lies in awareness. Be mindful of your inner dialogue, journal about it and reflect on whether it is helpful or harmful at this point in your life.

From a holistic perspective, I would like to mention Dr. Masuru Emoto’s water crystal experiment where he finds that water tends to crystallize in shapes resonating with the type of music being played around the water. The principle behind this experiment is that sound vibrations from the music influenced the formations in water.

With water being a major component of the human body and thoughts containing vibrations that echo through our systems, I would encourage you think about the impact your thoughts are having on your physical/emotional/ mental health.

My Spirit wants to dance…

My Spirit wants to dance……but she will have to wait

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Manresa beach, California

My Spirit wants to dance. She knows the best rhythm and beat that would make her dance but is shying away from it. She dances on other beats too but does not shine in them. If it was only for these beats, she would have danced her way through life but it seems the flooring provided to her isn’t suiting the footsteps. The shoes are hurting when she dances on this floor yet she is trying to adjust. The beat also does not excite her right now but she fools herself by trying to believe so. I have instructed her to believe and live with some of these facts – that she will have to wait for a while…
Her care takers fail to see the glow she has when her body strikes the rhythm it is meant to serve. They want her to dance on the tunes, they had chosen for her. I am indebted to them for all the care and support they have given me through years. She does not seem to care for it and only knows her rhythm. She does not want to understand the circumstances that I am in and she does not understand any debt. She says, when you let me dance, all your debts shall be repaid. I do believe in her but I am scared that my care takers won’t understand her. If I support her, I know I will start living, for, right now I just exist. Once when she danced through me it seemed to be the best feeling ever. I did not want to stop her. I wanted that feeling of being alive each moment of my life. I spoke to them about it. Alas! They themselves were denied their rhythm. I cannot blame them for what they make her do but I feel suffocated when she cannot flow through me. For, she is sole reason for my “being”.
The rhythm of the universe keeps knocking within and I can’t open the doors. I can feel the beauty she wants to show me but cannot bear suppressing it. In moments of quiet, I let her dance. In her rejoice, then, lies my pain. I do not talk about her with others because when I did, I found myself to be foolish. Most of the seasons, I am left alone with her and she asks me, “when will you give me my wings”. I cannot explain to her the many silly reasons my caretakers load me with. When I talk to her about it, she blames me for not having the courage to keep up my promise. Sometimes, walking along some lonely streets, I witness some spirits who have found and are living their own rhythm. I keep quiet as she enviously looks at them. I fear, one day, she may stop knocking!
I know she is selfish. Much to my surprise, it is only in such selfishness that I have found veracity. It is only when I let her be, I feel beautiful and purged. She wants me to know that all I need to do is to let her take charge and the rest shall be fine. I sit here waiting for the moment when she no longer asks for my permission and storms herself through me…Possibly, I lack that force right now…
Wandering about in wasteful times, I pity my inability to live “her”. But, I want and need her in me, hence I dance with her when she is about to get into a recluse. This is how I save my Spirit and pacify her by saying, “the day is not too far when you and I shall be one”. She smiles and gives me another chance to save myself…